Saturday, May 8, 2010

Coming out of the dark

Being a victim of domestic violence is a horrible, life changing experience. When the abuser is a cop, the situation may be even more terrifying. They use their badges to threaten, manipulate and control others.

So many times, I was told, "no one will ever believe you"; "I could kill you and no one will ever know what happened to you"; "Nothing will ever happen to me, they will believe me over you"; "If you ever tell, I will hurt your children"; "If you report me, I will see to it that you lose your job and I will tell them you hit me first and I was defending myself".

What happened to me changed my life forever. What is happening to others experiencing similar horrors will change their lives forever. You can't go back and erase the past. However, you can move forward and realize that there can be life after abuse.

My abuser is now a twice convicted felon. It took a long time and yes, he got off easy. But, he will never work in law enforcement again. He will never be able to legally carry a weapon. His past will follow him all the remaining days of his life...he can't escape it- just as I can't erase what he did to me. It is with me for life.

If you are being abused by someone who wears a badge, get help immediately. Go outside of your local jurisdiction for help. Go to a law enforcement agency higher than the one that employs your abuser. Document everything and do not keep the documents in a place your abuser can find them. Your life is important. People will listen. You just have to insist they listen. If you are a victim, reply to this post and I will listen...and put you in touch with others who will also listen.

There CAN be life after abuse. When you come out of the dark, the sun will be so much brighter than any sunshine you've seen in your life. I lived for years afraid to leave my house. Now I open my front door look at the sky, thank God and smile.........LIFE IS GOOD!



  1. Who will listen? Please tell me.

    SHORT VERSION: My case should have been handled as a Domestic Violence case but it was not. First because he was a deputy (St. John Parish) and nothing was ever done to him when I called the police for help. Second because I didn’t tell anyone about the abuse. Third because the last time I left was in a hurry. I thought I was going to die from his beating and left in my PJ’s with our infant child and went to stay with my family. I left all evidence of abuse in the house. There are many more reasons why it’s not being handled correct but there are also reasons why it should be a Domestic Violence case and somehow someway, I’m going to get it changed.

    Many court dates later, we are divorced and visitation has been set. The divorce trial was the only trial that went correctly. I was awarded a divorce instantly because he was guilty of Adultery. The process of getting away from his is not over though. We still have property to partition, child support to set, and hopefully criminal charges can be filed against him for all he’s done before I left and after.

    Oh yes, you know he continues to abuse me through the justice system. He has committed perjury, obstruction of justice, spoilage of evidence, and dragged court dates out over many days costing me thousands of dollars in attorney fees. I use to live very comfortably until he showed up at my work and I got laid off. I had filed for divorce that morning and was laid off around noon. I had that job for 8 years before I even knew him. My child and I are living off of $302 a week unemployment now. Can't find a job, am extremly depressed, and am at the end of my rope. I don’t know who to trust or where to turn for help. I have no more money for to pay my attorney. Last week I called my attorney and told the paralegal that I needed to come get my files because I can not afford representation anymore. I'm going to go it alone. That’s ok because they will not listen to me about DV. They only tell me why I can’t. Not how I can. There is a way to get DV recognized in my case and I have to find it.

    Who will listen? Please tell me.

  2. What you are doing is wonderful advice. I did all you said and it did no good for me due to the good ole boy sydrome in my area.Even though I am now out of the situation i and my family still get harrassed by his LE friends. I was even told to move from my home town where he was not born and raised. Where all my family is. I hope one day I will be able to live a peacefull life with out fear for myself and my family.

  3. Emily,

    Can you please contact me @ I was also a victim of a deputy in St. John Parish. He is now a convicted felon. I may be able to help you, but I don't know how to contact you. I feel your pain.

  4. "Anonymous said...
    What you are doing is wonderful advice."

    Stay strong!! I may be able to get you some help if you need it from a very trusted source.



  5. Thanks for speaking out!! - Leah Fetter

  6. I used to work for the attorney general and was basically asked to resign because of my investigation in this case.... the lawyer for the sheriff in St. john was also the lawyer that helped the attorney general get elected after swapping sides from the incumbent in the last election.... unbenownst to me at the time,,, but later learned by me.,.. anyway Tracey knows how you can contact me and I will be happy to help in any way I can.. I don't live in that parish or work for any politicians anymore I am self employed... My name is Ali Shields, Ex Assistant Attorney General,, Attorney at Law... specializing in criminal, family law and personal injury cases

  7. Ali you are amazing. I am sorry about your losing your job. Thank you for offering yourself. One of the first things that I was told when I set out to help victims of officer-involved dv is that I HAVE TO stay independent of police and even domestic violence agencies - who receive public funds to survive. It's grassroots revisited.