Thursday, June 18, 2015

When it all comes to an end

I've avoided mentioning my abuser by name while posting on this blog. I've not posted in quite a while. My reasons were more related to the fact that it was difficult to bring myself back down to the mentality where I was becoming panicked and reliving the experiences.

I recently learned that my abuser had died. When I first received word of his passing, it was surreal. I had to see proof to believe it. His obituary was definitive enough. Interestingly, his obituary was full of deception. It painted him as being a great man. A veteran of our armed forces. A man with a son, etc. What it didn't mention was the fact that he was a convicted felon who had several children and left a path of destruction through many states in our great country.

To his children, I am so sorry. You were born victims of his anger, rage and deception. My heart breaks for you. To his former wives, I am also sorry. I can only imagine what you had to endure while he was a part of your lives.

I can breathe again. He is gone. He has had to face the ultimate judge. I never prayed for his soul. The horrible things he did left me no compassion to do so. People often speak of forgiveness and that's what God expects. I've never been able to forgive him. He put me through hell on earth. Whatever choice God made after his passing was between him and God. 

I can live again. I am slowly believing that I don't have to look over my shoulder, afraid that he will be lurking behind. I can now update my address with the DMV. I no longer have to fear that he will know where I live. I now believe that my children are safe.

Thank you, God, for ending more than a decade of pain, fear and anger. This chapter of my life is now over. I can live again. I am not quite sure how to define "living again" but I am sure I will find a way!

Friday, July 27, 2012

How do we make our pain go away? I believe in prayer and I also believe God has been watching over me. With that known, I ask God, "please, PLEASE restore my life to where it was before the monster (abusive cop) entered the picture."

No one likes pain, no one deserves to be punched, screamed at, kicked, had furniture thrown at them, raped, etc. Those are just a few examples.

My suggestion to anyone experiencing similar circumstances...GET OUT of that relationship. Chances are that you're living the life of, "hit me now" then the abuser
attempts to justify why you were abused because he/ she (the abuser) has completely gained control of you. The harsh reality is that even if he/she apologizes, the abuser will strike again, each strike tearing you down even further

If you are being abused, please reach out to local resources in your community who will help you at no charge. If you don't know how to locate those resources, please contact me and I will help you research local organizations in your area.

God bless you and please stand your ground. I'm here if you need someone to listen. Just reply to this blog post and I will get your message. And please use caution, don't post too many details that might let your abuser know who you are from reading your posts.

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist. I only share my feelings to help others realize they are not alone.

God Bless,



Friday, June 10, 2011

New Orleans police officer booked with violating restraining order
New Orleans police officer booked with violating restraining order

Published: Wednesday, June 08, 2011, 8:25 PM Updated: Wednesday, June 08, 2011, 8:26 PM

By Laura Maggi, The Times-Picayune The Times-Picayune
New Orleans police officer Jermaine Lacour was arrested Tuesday on suspicion of violating a restraining order prohibiting him from contacting his ex-girlfriend, the Police Deparment reported Wednesday.
Lacour was booked in late 2010 with illegal discharge of a weapon and causing a domestic disturbance. That incident involved Lacour's former girlfriend and her current boyfriend, the NOPD said in a news release.
Last December, during that incident, Lacour fired a gun into the ground, the release stated.

At the time, a judge ordered Lacour, a four-year veteran of the NOPD, to stop communicating with his ex-girlfriend and her boyfriend. But Lacour has called the woman several times and sent her an email. She reported the violation of the restraining order to the NOPD, which notified the Orleans Parish district attorney's office, according to the release.
Yesterday, the district attorney's office issued an arrest warrant for Lacour. He turned himself in to the department's Public Integrity Bureau on Tuesday. Criminal District Court records show that Lacour, 38, was booked with violation of a protective order in that court. He is no longer in jail, according to the online database of the Orleans Parish Sheriff's Office.

Because of an injury, Lacour has been on sick leave. He previously worked for the NOPD's 7th District, according to the department.

A trial is scheduled for June 30 on the case in which Lacour is charged with illegal discharge of a weapon.

© 2011 All rights reserved.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Coming out of the dark

Being a victim of domestic violence is a horrible, life changing experience. When the abuser is a cop, the situation may be even more terrifying. They use their badges to threaten, manipulate and control others.

So many times, I was told, "no one will ever believe you"; "I could kill you and no one will ever know what happened to you"; "Nothing will ever happen to me, they will believe me over you"; "If you ever tell, I will hurt your children"; "If you report me, I will see to it that you lose your job and I will tell them you hit me first and I was defending myself".

What happened to me changed my life forever. What is happening to others experiencing similar horrors will change their lives forever. You can't go back and erase the past. However, you can move forward and realize that there can be life after abuse.

My abuser is now a twice convicted felon. It took a long time and yes, he got off easy. But, he will never work in law enforcement again. He will never be able to legally carry a weapon. His past will follow him all the remaining days of his life...he can't escape it- just as I can't erase what he did to me. It is with me for life.

If you are being abused by someone who wears a badge, get help immediately. Go outside of your local jurisdiction for help. Go to a law enforcement agency higher than the one that employs your abuser. Document everything and do not keep the documents in a place your abuser can find them. Your life is important. People will listen. You just have to insist they listen. If you are a victim, reply to this post and I will listen...and put you in touch with others who will also listen.

There CAN be life after abuse. When you come out of the dark, the sun will be so much brighter than any sunshine you've seen in your life. I lived for years afraid to leave my house. Now I open my front door look at the sky, thank God and smile.........LIFE IS GOOD!


Thursday, October 15, 2009

He hits me and he's a cop their blog about cops who beat their domestic partners.$47878

If you know a police officer who is a batterer, do something now. If you are a victim, GET HELP IMMEDIATELY. Crystal tried to get help and they didn't listen. Now, FINALLY, law enforcement agencies are using her tragic story as an example of what can and DID happen because she was ignored.

If you know a victim, LISTEN TO HER. She is frightened. She knows what might happen to her if she reports him. If she suddenly begins missing work, isolating herself from others, making up excuses for injuries (I fell, I tripped, I was mugged by a stranger) those may be warning signs. If he is controlling, over powering, jealous, disrespectful of her and her feelings, PLEASE PAY ATTENTION. If her abuser is with a local agency, report the abuse to a higher agency if her complaints go unanswered. Not speaking out and seeking help can end tragically.

PLEASE DON'T be the next statistic. Please don't let your friends and loved ones be the next statistic. Police Domestic Violence is a very serious issue and hundreds/ thousands of cases end tragically.

National Center for Women &Policing:

Cops who beat their wives rarely pay the price

Jennifer Rees- outspoken and brave. This is an excellent story that deserves to be heard.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Louisiana :Women's Murders highest rate in U.S.

Report: Louisiana women get murdered at highest rate in the U.S.
By Ramon Antonio Vargas, The Times-Picayune
September 22, 2009, 12:00PM
More women get murdered by men in Louisiana than anywhere else in the United States, according to a new report by the Violence Policy Center.
While the national rate of women being murdered by men stands at 1.30 per 100,000, Louisiana’s rate in 2007 was 2.53 per 100,000, highest in the nation, the report says. In second was Alaska with a rate of 2.44 per 100,000, and in third place was Wyoming at 2.33 per 100,000.
The report drew its information from the FBI’s unpublished Supplementary Homicide report. The most recent data available is from 2007.
That year, men killed 57 women in Louisiana. Seven victims were less than 18 years old. Four victims were 65 years of age or older. The victims’ average age was 36, according to the report.
Thirty-four of the victims died from gunshot wounds. Six were stabbed or cut to death; two were clubbed to death; and six were beaten to death.
"These findings alarmingly demonstrate how domestic violence can escalate to homicide," the center’s Legislative Director Kristen Rand said in a news release. "More resources need to be made available to protect women and prevent such tragedies."